I woke up Friday in a great mood! I had this super realistic dream about Andy Cohen & Anderson Cooper, they finally opened their eyes and decided I needed to be their BFF. Like, SUCH BFFs, that Anderson trusted me and Andy to pick him out something to wear to some fancy event he had going on. He said we could pick through his closet which was the size of most master bedrooms. In my dream, his apartment was all neutral colors, clean lines, chic and gorgeous of course. No piles of clutter like there is at my house. Kelly Ripa came over while me and Andy were trying to find the perfect outfit. Then we had fun and went through all of his stuff. All we found were receipts from Boston Market. Thats when I woke up and was sad that I had to return to my stressful boring life 😕One day I’ll get to NYC and get some friend time with them! Restraining order or not!
After I picked Ella up from school, she asked me if we could come back and go to the book fair in their library. I had been avoiding it all week because we are BROKE. Like BROKE BROKE. Then she tells me that its the last day, and she wants to use the money Pawpaw gave her. So I said ok. As we were getting ready to go back, I tell her to get her purse and make sure all her money is in it. She’s got it! $10, and a zip lock bag full of change. I grab a $20 out of our “BITCH YOU’RE BROKE” jar just in case she went over a little.So she wonders around looking at 8,843 different things for the next hour, and decides on 3 books, a book mark, and a poster. We walk up to check out and hand the nice librarian all of her goods.I knew she wouldn’t have quite enough for all of it, thats why I grabbed our BROKE BITCH cash. So she tells us the balance is $21. So I say “ok Ella, lets see how much you can pay” she takes the $10 bill out, and sticks it in the pocket of her purse.then hands the check out librarian the ziplock full of pennies nickels and dimes. I say “um…what happened with that $10 bill??” She says “oh I think I’m going to save it for Disney World. Her change equaled EXACTLY $1, so I just gave her my $20. WTF
On our way home, she starts snapping the rubber band around her hand, then making up a song called “Rubber band Hand”…..So naturally I start singing “rubber band man” by T.I. she wasn’t so impressed, and told me that’s not how her song will be going. A few min later, our conversation went a little like this:
E-singing “rubber band hand, oh my rubber band hand”
me-white girl rapping “rubber band man wild as the taliban….”
e–singings”rubber band hand, in my big blue van”
me- white girl rapping “nine in my right, forty-five in the other hand”
It was such a great memorable moment 🙂
Then there was this douche bag Larry went to College with who had a problem with me posting a picture of my son who had Minnie Mouse Ears on himself. He had so many feelings about this, that he wrote Larry a message telling him how he needs to not allow me to do those things and not to confuse him and he’s the MAN of the house blah blah blah bull shit. We she showed it to me, I had to put it down. I couldn’t read past the first few sentences. When I finally was ready to read the rest, my blood was boiling. I’m not sure I’ve ever been that mad in my entire life.I wanted to physically HURT this man. Instead, I posted it to my favorite mom groups to get their advice. And I swear those bitches give the best advice.I knew I wanted to respond to this jackass. Larry did already respond to him…basically told him to mind his business, he’s the head of the household, and don’t worry about us. His response to that? “Glad you set her straight” Biiiiiitch…..
Anyways, after 24hours, I decided to write him back. I needed to cool off or it would just have several paragraphs of “fuck off fuck off fuck off”. So while my xanex was working good…I wrote out my comeback. It’s not my normal comeback, but it’s my adulting comeback. I’m proud of myself.
Saturday was a fun day! My cousins had a vow renewal wedding! Got to hang out with some cousins I haven’t seen in a while, listen to some good music, have a few good drinks, and eat some good wedding cake! Me and Ella rode with my parents, and she decided to stay the night there. FINE with me! However when I picked her up today, she told me that we need to have a coming home celebration for her at the Cheesecake Factory. My parents live 10 min away….the cheesecake factory is 2 hours away…
Tonight, I spent 2 hours staring at my computer. I was in advanced English in high school, made A’s in all my college English classes, but for the life of me. I can NOT seem to write a Business plan. I need to get this done so bad! It’s making me feel like the dumbest person on the planet.